The Good Fight

Written November 10th, 2016.

It is like there is a scream stuck in my throat.

Like everything that has ever been wrong is flushing up to the surface after years of me pushing it down, numbing myself to them and pretending they were nothing major.

I grew boundaries that turned into walls and I thought the walls protected me from everything happening to me and around me. But maybe the wall was just a damn and now the damn is broken and all those painfully real things are flooding in just as I was swimming to a safe harbour of a new life, the current of my past is trying to drag me back.

I like this new flow, I see the hope that the person I am supposed to be is there and to be pulled back into those old feelings and habits and to that old person, this person I could be,

could be forever lost.

She is worth the fight.

She is worth the work.

She is worth the lonely journey.

She is worth the risks and failures.

She has been there waiting for you her whole life because all that the past has taught you is going to make her whole. She is all fire and ambition but you will make her wiser.

So, let go of the person in that past rushing rapids and let her fall behind you.

You deserve to spend your days in a safe bay, being this best version of yourself that you have been waiting 35 years to meet and become.

So swim hard against the current and fight your way to something you know is supposed to be. Freedom, peace, and happiness are so close, I know it… she knows it.

During the struggle…

When you are exhausted…

And you’re emotionally spent…

And going on seems impossible…

And the darkness of the world around you seems to be closing in on you…

Pause…

Breathe…

Come here to hash it out…

… and never give up

… always fight the good fight.